The Rebellion Handbook (PG-13 Edition)
We all know the script. Wear the thing that is “appropriate.” Dress for the occasion. Do not stand out unless you are supposed to.
It sounds harmless until you realize you have been choosing clothes like you are applying for approval instead of actually dressing for yourself.
For years, I did it without thinking. Shirts that were technically “nice” but felt like sandpaper. Shoes that made my feet ache before I even left the driveway. Outfits that were fine on the outside but felt wrong on me the whole time I wore them.
The T-Shirt at the Party
The day I stopped? It was a friend’s birthday party at one of those rooftop bars where everyone pretends not to be freezing. I knew the crowd. Tight jeans, trendy jackets, shoes that look better than they feel.
I was halfway to pulling on my own “going out” uniform when I stopped and thought, “Why am I dressing like I’m auditioning for their approval?” So I tossed the button-up back in the closet and grabbed my oldest, softest band T-shirt instead. The one with the faded logo and the little tear at the hem. Paired it with jeans I could actually move in and sneakers that did not feel like foot traps.
When I walked in, I got a few double-takes. Someone made a joke about “dressing down,” but I noticed something — I was more relaxed than anyone else in the room. I could sit however I wanted. I could breathe. And I stayed until closing without once wishing I could change into something else.
Why We Follow This Rule
We dress to impress “them” because it feels safer. It is easier to match the room than risk looking like the one person who did not get the memo. Nobody wants to be the odd one out in the group photo.
We do it because it works. It keeps questions away. It avoids the quiet side-eyes. It makes you blend in so well that no one has anything to say about you at all.
The cost is that you stop dressing for yourself. You build a closet full of “acceptable” clothes, and before you know it, you do not even remember what you like to wear when no one else gets a vote.
What Changed
Wearing that T-shirt did not make me the best-dressed person in the place. But it changed how I showed up. I was not thinking about whether I looked “right.” I was paying attention to the conversations, the music, the actual night.
Once you feel that difference, it is hard to go back to wearing clothes that check the “appropriate” box but make you feel like a stranger in your own skin.
How to Break It Without Burning Bridges
This is not about ignoring every dress code. It is about putting your comfort and self-expression on equal footing with the expectations of the room.
Start small:
Swap one piece in your outfit for something that feels more you. Wear the bold color you usually leave in the drawer. Choose shoes that make you want to keep moving, not sit still.
You will notice the room notices less than you think.
Your Turn
This week, wear something for you, not them. It can be subtle or it can be the clothing equivalent of fireworks.
Worst case, someone asks why you “dressed down.”
Best case, you realize you stopped dressing for the wallpaper.
